Just a blog for me to spew whatever random crap I feel like spewing.
Asked by wendynguyen-blog
I’m doing alright, I guess. I have good days and bad days. Ha. I understand not wanting to bring up old memories. Just keep looking towards the future, and all will be well! =o)
Reblogged from funniest-out
I don’t often reblog things. But this completely brightened up my day. I can’t help but smile when I look at these.
Asked by Anonymous
D’aww. You don’t have to miss me. Let me know who you are, or message me somewhere, and we can talk! =o)
Asked by Anonymous
I don’t know who you are, but I wish I did so I could just give you the best hug I can give. You made my day, no no, you made my week with this message. Thank you so much, and whoever you are, I’m sure I appreciate your friendship equally.
Get out of my head! I don’t want you there anymore! You DON’T belong there anymore! If you don’t want me, then I shouldn’t want you! I CAN’T want you anymore! Fuck you, brain. FUCK YOU! I was doing SO WELL. I was FINALLY pulling away, and then you dragged me back in just to push me away more than ever before! So let me fucking sleep! LEAVE MY MIND, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! LEAVE!
I just.. want.. to sleep….
It’s so weird to think that we met when I was the age you are now. To think that you and I grew up together, in a way. To think that I’ve been blogging about you, on this very blog, for almost 3 years, now. But my original statement about your appearance continues to prove true. Every time I see you, you’re more beautiful than the time before.
I feel helpless around you, unsure of what to do. Just seeing your name makes my entire body shake, seeing your texts make my stomach ache, hearing your voice makes my thoughts quake, and seeing your face makes me want to cry, for heaven’s sake.
I went onto my own FaceBook profile not 10 minutes ago, and in the box of friends, I see someone has a new profile picture. I can’t tell who it is, but they are very pretty. I scanned over it, saw your name, saw the full picture, and immediately felt my chest get heavy. My hands shook, my stomach felt like it was going to burst. I jumped into bed, and I cried. I cried my eyes out because the young girl I spent 2-1/2 years with is becoming a grown-up, beautiful … Absolutely gorgeous woman. The most beautiful woman I’ve seen, from the most gorgeous girl I’d seen. But it isn’t the beauty that broke me down, it’s the fact that, that woman no longer wants to grow with me. That’s what destroys me.
I don’t really have anything else to say. I guess I just miss being happy with her, seeing her smile, making her laugh. Now it’s always either screams, cries, moans, or silence. Things will never be the way they once were, and I understand that. But I don’t ever want to go back to how it ever was. I just want to start anew, to grow with you, and to be somewhere we never have been. Somewhere happily at peace with each other. No love, but no war. No lust, but no attacks. Just peace.
Beautiful, beautiful peace.
You know, I was doing so well for the past 24-hours. Then I saw your picture from a comment you made on FaceBook, and now I feel like crap. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t block you, that’s like throwing away 2-1/2 years of my life. I can’t remove our mutual friends because, regardless of them being your family or friends, I still consider them part of my life.
*Le sigh*
Shit.
You know, I’ve had something on my mind for a while, and I just need to spew it out. I firstly want to note that this isn’t about anybody in particular, so keep that in mind. Now, I was going to start off by explaining what I was about to say, but forget it, I’m just going to come out with it.
DAMN YOU FOR BEING SO BEAUTIFUL! Recently, it’s been occurring more and more that I’m seeing ladies that are so damned good-looking that I don’t even want to look at them. I just want to sit there and curse them out for being so attractive. I’ve had to close YouTube videos, hide FaceBook posts, and avoid certain people because I just can’t take it anymore. Maybe I’m just starting to appreciate beauty more, or maybe I’m just now realizing how much beauty is out and about in the world; honestly, I don’t know. What I do know is that some females are time-stopping, mind-blowing, jaw-dropping, and eye-covering.
But you know, it would be even weirder if I was alone in this. I’ve talked to many of my fellow men about this, and they’ve all been there as well. They’ve all seen women here and there that they just can’t bare to look at because the beauty is overwhelming. Thankfully I’m not alone … Thankfully. I’d go nuts if I was.
Now you know what? I’m going to more or less direct this paragraph at someone, without a name, without a clue as to who they are. If you think it’s you, great, I’m glad; but take it as you will! Stop being so damned attractive, please. Honestly, it’s making me have to avoid you, it’s making me have to hide from you, and I hate that. But I can’t help it, because with beauty like your’s … Gah, you need to just stop! I don’t even know how you can stop, or why you should stop … But *Le Pouts*.
I have no idea what else to say. Beauty is everywhere, some more prominent than others, some more unreal than others; but in the end, it’s all beauty. I honestly shouldn’t be cursing anyone out, or being angered by it at all. I should be thanking the women of the world for giving our eyes happiness.
Maybe I’m just angered because I know I’ll never be able to see those eyes as closely as I’d like to, or see that smile as brightly as I’d hoped for years. Blargh. Okay, I’ll shut up now. I just had to rant for a few minutes, as this has all I’ve been thinking about for a while.
Oh, and in addition, the few bits that were about a particular individual, it may or not be you that is reading. Hell, that person may never even read this blog post; how am I supposed to know? But, if you think it’s you, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. If you’re sure it isn’t you, think again; it could be, it may not be. Don’t doubt yourself based on your own opinion of yourself; you might be wrong.
Stop being so beautiful for a day, so I can rest well at night.
I guess when it comes to saying I’m sorry, I try to mean it as sincerely as possible. Because I honestly do feel bad, and would like to make it up to the person for whatever wrong I have done unto them.
What has been happening recently is that I’ve been in many different states of mind with the situation I’m in. One minute, I feel happy, and hopeful; the next minute, I feel upset, and hopeless; then, I may feel apathetic, and confused the next. So among the flip-flopped emotions, I act differently, and I wish I could apologize for every time I’ve messed up, said something wrong, or pressured for something that I may not even really want.
Last night, as I was waking up, I was in the hopeless, babble and bobble mindset where my mind only thought of being with her. Of course, it didn’t end well for either side, and once we got off the phone, I thought a lot about it. Eventually, I ended up right back where I started before I went to sleep, which was that I know we’ll never be together, and I don’t mind that. I’m okay with just being friends, and just talking. I don’t know how many times I can apologize to her before she just gets fed up and no longer accepts my apologies. Which I’d hate, because they truly are sincere. I really am sorry for the way I act sometimes, and I really don’t understand why I can’t control it; I wish I could.
Anyone have any tips on what I can do to avoid having to apologize ever again? I don’t want to keep messing up, and saying things I shouldn’t. I guess I just need to learn self-control, and learn to control my emotions.
Anybody have any tips on emotion-control?
Yesterday, we talked for hours on the phone, just like we used to, laughing, enjoying ourselves … But I got three texts from you today about how you’re upset about your ex … Huh. I mean, it’s fine, I’m here for you to talk to, especially when you’re not feeling happy. But to ignore my calls/texts all day, then drop that on me, then vanish again for the rest of the night? Not sure what’s going on in your mind, but it’s really not cool on my end.
I can wake up day-after-day for weeks on end and feel completely fine with everything that happened; not minding that I’m not with you, not minding that we barely talk. But then it just drops on me like a ton of bricks, completely out of nowhere, the feelings, the stomach churning, the feeling that I miss you so much. But this always seems to happen when you want me least, so I end up flopping around like a fish out of water; building a snowball of failure and pushing it down a massive snow slope of idiocy.
No text or message for two days, of course I start to get scared, and worried, stomach churning like no other. But I don’t know what you’re up to, what you’re doing, or where you are, so obviously my mind assumes the worst. That being you’re with the man you’re interested in, who’s interested in you. That being that you two are cuddling, laughing, and spending time together. But I could be wrong, you could be out with friends, doing whatever it is you do. The problem is … I don’t know, and it’s not like you tell me. I don’t expect you to tell me, because I’m not your guardian of any sort. I’d just like to know, just for my own sanity, that you’re with friends, rather than him.
“Hey, I’m getting worried. You haven’t talked to me in a couple of days. Could you at least respond so I know you’re okay?”
“She’s busy right now, ty.”
That doesn’t help me at all, really. Because I don’t know if that was your mother, your “guy”, your friends, or a damned kidnapper. I really just don’t know. But I’m scared, I’m worried, I miss you, and there’s nothing I can do to change any of that. I can survive without you, I can live without you, but it just sucks … it just hurts. I don’t expect to end up with you, or to ever be with you again. I just kind of want to talk to you again, I want to be close to you again. I miss you.
…And yet, I don’t. I want to break free from your leash. I want to find someone else. But every time I get into that mindset, you drag me back in, and my head sinks between my legs. I’m just not even sure what to do anymore. This cycle needs to end.
Feeling so used, and abused,
So lost and confused;
Not sure where I should go,
Not sure what I should do.
So, I went to Elementary and Middle School with this guy. It’s crazy to see how far people go in such a short amount of time. He just put out his first EP, and it’s truly beautiful. His singing voice is phenomenal, and his lyrics are heartfelt. Please, for the love of God, check it out!
“You’re the only one who’s been there while I cried. Yet, ironically, you’re the only one who’s actually made me cry. But here I am, shriveling up inside; and while you said you’d always be by my side, I now see that you blatantly lied.”
…I never reblog pictures because I pride my blog on being textually based as almost a journal. But I just reblogged two pictures because they struck me the right way, I guess. Ahg, I’ll have to actually type out a full blog entry when I get a chance. But for now, that’s all the picture-reblogging I’m doing.
”Fight this urge. Be a man. Live to be who you want to be. Live for you. Fight for you. Control who you become.”
